Nine years....WOW! I remember the day of her birth like it was yesterday. My OB had decided to induce labor, to make it easier for everyone to attend the birth (after all, my birthing coach and "special teams" HAD to make it here from Glenwood Springs!). I remember having to go to the hospital the night before the scheduled birth day...I was nervous that the hospital would feel especially cold to me considering the circumstances...so I went to TJ Maxx to purchase some new socks. I walked into the store thinking, "This will be our last shopping trip together..." I wiped the tears from my eyes and reminded myself that this little girl was going to have a life like I would never be able to give her on my own....that was all I could give to her. I love her that much. The lady who rang me up at the register said the usual, "Oh my...when are you due?!?" as she glanced down to my huge belly. I got some strange satisfaction telling her I was on my way to the hospital now, like maybe it was a scene out of a movie where as she asked me, my water broke or something dramatic like that.
But no...no real excitement...just a long, quiet drive to the hospital. My mom drove me. We checked in like I was checking into a hotel. That lady was very nice, I liked that she spoke to me like I was going to be a mom. She was the only one in the whole hospital who didn't know our story...again it made me feel like I was living someone elses life. I wanted to be someone else, for the first time in a long time I felt like I couldn't do this...that I wasn't strong enough to willingly give my love, my hopes, my everything away.
When I got to the labor and delivery room, the nurse hooked me up to all the monitors. It was then that I realized how scared I really was...I was going to have a baby! I remember praying for emotional strength and physical strength...surely it was from God that I survived that day at all!
I didn't sleep much that night...I talked to the baby, cried, and prayed almost the whole night.
The next morning, when I saw Kirk and Debbie, all of my pain was gone. I felt such peace when they walked in that door...God had healed my heart that fast. Debbie handed me some hair ties, chapstick, and a picture frame she picked out at the hospital gift shop. I handed her a wrapped children's Bible, with a picture of me and a letter to Braydin inside. I could tell that they had not slept too well the night before either. I thought how their lives were going to change. I thought about how well I had cared for their baby while God had entrusted her to me for the past 10 months. I couldn't help but smile with the most sincere joy that I had ever felt!
Soon enough it was "go" time. With Kirk, Debbie and my Mom holding my hands and legs...and God holding my heart...that sweet baby girl was born into the most loving family I had ever met. That was the greatest birthday present I had ever given or received. I love to "revisit" that day in my memory... especially today. Happy Birthday, Braydin...I love you so much!
I can't wait to see you all next weekend!
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